Recommitment

The piano has been a central part of my life for over 20 years now, and lately, the piano and I have become like a stereotypical old-married couple.  I practice, but not as often as I should, and then only halfheartedly.  My playing has become stale.   I've even considered not pursuing this field anymore.  

Yesterday, I had what I'll call a crisis of piano-faith.   My doubts consumed me and I thought maybe I should just go a different direction, get a non-piano-related job, or something.

So after much thought ("soul-searching" may sound cheesy, but it's accurate), today I made the decision to pursue music wholeheartedly again.  It takes self-motivation and diligence as well as an intense perseverance on a daily basis.  So, here begins my revived attempt at loving what I do and working hard to contribute and achieve as much as I can with the piano.  

The Slow Season

It's interesting how I'll have some months where my performance schedule is absolutely hectic, and some months that are so slow. 

 I remember last January (2007), when within a period of 2 weeks, I went to Pennsylvania for masterclasses/competition, then left partway through to play a solo recital at a concert series in North Carolina, then flew straight back to Pennsylvania to finish the masterclasses and for an orchestra rehearsal of Beethoven's 5th Concerto, then went to Paris to play Henri Dutilleux's Sonata for Dutilleux himself in his Paris studio, then straight to Brussels to have masterclasses with Jerome Lowenthal.....whew!  And a couple weeks later, I went to West Palm Beach, FL for a weeklong piano festival.

Then, there's times like right now, where I guess I'm in a slow season.  The next thing on my calendar is not til September!  It's a Competition, so at least I am spending this summer preparing and learning the 3 required works (more on that later).   But things are so unpredictable.  

It's funny --- during busy times, the challenge is not burning-out.   But during slow times like this, the challenge is getting motivated to work just as hard as if I had a competition tomorrow!  

Welcome

Welcome to my blog!  In this, I will share the hopes, dreams, and realities of my life as a classical pianist.   

I began the piano when I was 3 and started competing regularly when I was 11.  Music is such a part of my life that I can't imagine life without it.  To me, music is one of God's greatest gifts and in a way, it resembles God in its breadth and mystery.  I have studied music theory for many years (Ok, I'm a theory nerd) but no one can explain why  music affects people the way it does.  It brings me closer to God and other people, and it's sometimes the best way I can communicate.  

As a classical pianist, I've had my share of successes and my share of failures, for lack of better word.   I've done hundreds of auditions, competitions, and concerts, only to find judgment at the end.  Sometimes, it's positive judgment --- You win!   Or maybe, to quote the latest thing I was told by an audience member after a competition:  I just get goose-bumps when I think of you!   (If only that audience member had been a judge!).  Sometimes, the judgment is negative, even hurtful:  There were technical deficiencies, and your playing was duller than the light in this room!   

So what it comes down to in the end is:  Who am I playing for, and why?  First and foremost, I'm playing for God and his glory.  If I ever lose that purpose, someone slap me and put me right :)  Secondly, I'm playing for all the people in the audience who are in need of the beauty of music in their lives.  

So win or lose, pass or fail, fly or fall, it's worth it.  It's worth it for that one audience member that is touched, for that one person who needed to hear something beautiful, for anyone who experienced God's love, just for a moment.